I went to a baby shower tonight. It was for one of my former college roommates who is one of the most fabulous people I know, and I mean that in every sense of the word, fabulous. Her name is Jane, and that is all I need to say for people who have ever come across Jane, because they would know which Jane I'm talking about and would agree that she is fabulous.
But I'm not here to talk about Jane, I'm here to talk about the stupid thing I did at the baby shower. I was making my plate at the food section, and decided upon a sandwich consisting of a lovely roll, some good looking cheese, and salami. Then I was looking for the mayonnaise, but only saw mustard, but a little further away from the sandwich making stuff I saw a huge bowl of mayonnaise, it was kind of close to the fruit. Perfect, that's just what I wanted on my salami sandwich, mayonnaise. So I plopped a dollop onto my roll only to think to myself, and simultaneously say out loud, I hope that was mayonnaise I just put on my sandwich. And the cute hostess who I don't know said, "actually it's fruit dip." And I said, "Oh I totally wanted fruit dip on my sandwich." And then I walked away like it was no big deal. And then I took one bite of my Pina Colada flavored salami sandwich and decided that was enough for me. I'm kind of hungry now because I didn't eat much beyond that.
The moral of my story is that sometimes when we want mayonnaise so badly we might imagine that a big bowl of fruit dip is actually mayonnaise. But it's not. And no matter how badly you might want it to be mayonnaise, it can never be. Don't try to make fruit dip into something it's not. And Pina Colada fruit dip will never taste like mayonnaise on your salami sandwich, no matter how badly you wish it would. The end.
Oh and then a girl tripped and spilled her whole glass of lemonade on me, and I thought to myself, "well that really put a damper on things." But I pretended that I didn't mind, really, I have kids, I've had stuff spilled on me before, that's totally something stupid that I might have done. Kind of like putting fruit dip on your salami sandwich.
But I still had fun, even though I really only knew two people because Jane is fabulous, so who cares if my sandwich tastes like sunscreen, and my outfit is soaked, I'm just happy to be here with my fabulous friend. The end, for real this time.