Friday, July 6, 2007

Austin need I say more?

I've been thinking since I started this blog a while back that it would be fun to have a guest post, you know what the legit bloggers do. Until now I hadn't given it much thought or action, but per my sister Angela's suggestion, I have a guest post from my little bro Austin. For those of you who don't know Austin, you are really missing out on a gem of a boy. Where to begin on Austin? Austin is my younger brother, he just celebrated his 24th birthday (he and Angela are twins). He is currently attending my Alma mater (is that how you say it?) Brigham Young University, where he is a journalism major. Some of you may have caught him anchoring the news, or doing a radio spot here or there. If you have, you're lucky, I've yet to see him, but can't wait for the day. He knows I'm his biggest supporter, even if I once may have tried to talk him out of the major. Hey, what are big sisters for? Anyway I've seen the error of my ways, and am very proud of my little bro, and hopefully one day I can say I knew him when...I'll have lots of stories to tell! And ladies, he's currently single, just imagine joining my family. If you want to set him up with anyone just leave a comment with your contact information.

* A note to Mary, it was very nice meeting you, hopefully you had as much fun playing with these players as they did with you! May you find happiness someday with a boy who deserves you! Thanks for allowing us to post your fun story. *

Without further ado, here's Austin!

“I deserve something Bigger!”

Well, per the request of some readers, I have a little story to relate.

Recently Nancy posted some pictures of the Post Naturalization celebration for Mom, and they noticed an unfamiliar face in the pictures. That warrants an explanation.

As some of you know, my roommates and I moved to another house at the beginning of Spring term here at BYU, and we had big plans to make a splash in our new ward. We were plotting all kinds of ways to ensure our local celebrity status. The following fiasco only contributed to our efforts.

I wasn’t there, but my roommates met some neighbors, nice girls across the street. One of them made an interesting remark. She said something to the effect that she had “heard of” us. What does that mean? On further questioning, it came out that she has a friend who knew us, and when it somehow came up that we lived across the street, she warned this girl from “getting involved”. “They’re all players” she said, “and they get off on getting girls to like them, and then ditching them.”

This must be some kind of joke, my roommates thought. Anybody who has ever met us would laugh at the use of the word “player” in that description. No, this is some odd joke.

Well, apparently not, because nobody was laughing.

Well, in due time, they left, flabbergasted at what happened. Not long later the same night, we had our weekly ward prayer, and the thought occurred, if it’s not a joke already, let’s make it into one.

So after ward prayer, when it turned into ward socializer, we each in turn walked up to this girl, and in as shallow a manner as possible, slipped her a piece of paper with our numbers on it and asked her out. “Listen, dollface, do us both a favor, gimme a call. You won’t regret it.” Sick.

Anyway, thought that was the end of the joke, but not so. Shortly after, she called each of us in turn, and said, “I’m available Monday night”, “I could go out Tuesday night”, “Did you want to take me out Wednesday night?” etc. Bold move on her part, and upping the ante on the joke.

So, my roommate Justin takes her out on Monday, and they have a fine date. Dinner and conversation, pleasantries all around. I was lined up for Tuesday, and had forgotten that we had a family dinner that night. What should I do? Cancel on this girl, ditch the family? Neither option seemed very savory, so I opted to combine them to my advantage.

I picked her up, having never discussed where we would go for dinner. When she asked, I gave a short explanation. “Well, since I’m trying to clear my good name, and you’ve got a weeks worth of free dinners, I figure I’ll make you work for this one. Tonight we’re going to my sister’s house for a family dinner, and you get to meet the fam.” This clearly startled her, exactly what I was hoping for.

When we got there, she handled the situation with considerable grace. She made pleasant talk with Mom and Dad, and made a connection with pretty much everybody there. Mom had read her dad’s book, her dad had come and lectured at Dad’s old firm, Angela and her had their hair cut by the same person, and Nancy knew her older brother from BYU. What do you know, small world.

Just to continue the escalation of the joke, she almost put her arm around me in that picture. That would have elicited some blog comments, I’m sure.

But if you think that is the end of the joke, you’d be wrong. Mind you this is only Tuesday. Our roommate Dan who took her out Wednesday didn’t get the memo about the bigger and better game, but on Thursday, David Peterson took to out for a picnic…on the Provo Temple lawn. My idea, thank you much. The real climax, though, was when David Smith took her to dinner, and then…brace yourselves…Ring Shopping. By this time she was acclimatized to the madness, and was playing along perfectly. The story went like this: they had been together for three years and were now just sealing the deal. They looked at some of the rings, when she said to the salesgirl, “These are nice, but do you have anything bigger?”

So the hapless salesgirl, I’m sure expecting a large commission, retrieved a larger diamond. But that wasn’t enough. “Do you have anything heart shaped? I think hearts are just so romantic!” Out comes the larger, heart-shaped diamond. Well, how else can she make this more absurd? “I’m really looking for something bigger.”

At this point the poor girl behind the counter starts to feel bad for Dave, who presumably will be paying for this.
“You really get more value for your investment on diamonds smaller than 2 karats.”
“Oh, don’t worry. Whatever he can’t pay for, Daddy will cover. Do you have a bigger one? I deserve a big one.”
“Well, I can call some of the other stores and see if they have a larger stone of this cut.”

They finally agreed to get a 2 karat, heart shaped diamond, with smaller heart shaped diamonds set on both sides in the ring. Dave, who to this point had been pretty quiet, chimes in.

“This will be good, finally you can hang with your sister’s ring.”

“How big is your sister’s ring” balks the sales girl.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s extravagant, this awful gaudy monstrosity. I can’t believe anybody would wear something like that.”

Our old roommate Ben was in town for a few days, and we had plans for him that never panned out. We were going to have him ask her out, and for the date, he would start driving south on I-15 with no explanation. She of course would eventually ask where they were headed, when he would answer, “Vegas”.


Mandy said...

Very funny. Austin, you have a very good imagination to come up with all of that. I am sure you will be the talk of the ward now.

Jennifer said...

Hilarious! How I miss those crazy BYU days...

Austin said...

That's the best picture you could come up with for me? Christmas morning, straight out of bed, with no makeup...errr....I mean...well...You could have found a better picture.
And thanks for letting me tell a story to your friends.

Nancy said...

Austin, I actually liked the pic of you or I wouldn't have used it, I think you look good in it! Plus it was all I really had.

pam said...

Austin should have continued the story a little further and said she came again for a family dinner July 4 and then we all went to her parent's home on the mountain east of Provo and watched the Stadium of Fire fireworks from their backyard. Great view! Mom

Becky said...

Love the guest blog!
Austin, she sounds like an awesome girl to go along with such craziness! The heart shaped ring conversation with the bling saleslady would have had me gaffawing all over the place. What a strong, grace under pressure type of girl she must be. And I have long been a huge fan of her fathers (as you will be, too, when you read this article

Glad you went out with her again. Any girl who can hold her own against Austin's Highly Specialized Sense of Humor deserves a second date!

Nancy said...

Wait, maybe mom needs to guest post the end of the story, or is the end of the story? Austin?

Emily said...

Austin, loved the guest post. I should have asked you to guest blog on mine. Oh wait. . .

(It's okay, we're still friends.)

Steve said...

Bring her down to Arizona to meet the rest of the fam.

Courtney said...

She sounds like a fun and crazy girl. Who is her dad?

mary c. said...

Hey Nancy, thanks for being nice to me when I came for family dinner. I was trying to act cool and confident but inside I couldn't get over the fact that I was having dinner with a boy I barely knew PLUS his entire family. I deserved it I guess. I'm glad that not only Austin, but the rest of you as well, have senses of humor or else that could have easily turned into a very awkward and heinous situation.

To answer your question Courtney, my dad's a practicing ethnobotanist. There are about 25 practicing field ethnobotanists in the world. This means that my dad is one of the top 25 practicing field ethnobotanists in the world. Pretty prestigious I guess.

Oh and Steve, I'd love to come down to Arizona to meet the rest of the fam.

Ashlee said...

Nancy, I'm embarrassed to comment because then the fact that I am blog-stalking is revealed. But, I couldn't resist. I was laughing out loud. Great story. Somehow, somewhere this deserves wider publication. Loved it! And, I wanted there to be more to the story? It's like the first chapter of a great novel and already I'm in love with this Mary character...